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My Therapist told me the other day “Hannah, you know you’re a bad ass right? (hold for long pause) With all the things you have been through, you have had a daily struggle for over twenty or so years and with some of your traumas, you have had many years before that even, that this battle has been raging on inside of you. Your mind verses your body and you are managing to continue to fight and your incredible persistence to heal. The simple fact that you’re here, right now…you are far stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
This got me really thinking…
As women we put so much pressure on ourselves and to be honest so does society. As women we are quote-unquote the ‘weaker sex’ right? I think that statement is false. I wouldn’t go to the extent to say we are stronger, but I don’t think us women get enough credit for the strengths we do have. And I am also a big believer in the individual rather than stereotypes. I know plenty of women who are strong physically, like seriously strong and some men a little on the puny side. Is my husband physically stronger than me in every facet, um...yeah. I frequently ask for my personal bottle/can opener with his strong hands and biceps, in just about every cooking session. I know some men, my husband included who is mentally strong as well. Able to withstand a tremendous amount of pressure and yet still think clearly and levelheaded. But the second his daughter whimpers or needs her daddy, he is by far the weakest link. His princess has him wrapped and it is a good thing she doesn’t know it yet.
I don’t want to underestimate men in this post by bashing or alluding that men don’t have pressures and traumas they themselves overcome. I know that men have pressure to always be the strength and support and I know how heavy that weight can feel when carried all day every day. So please don’t take my words as a discredit to any one person or sex for that matter. I am just in a place where I think it is healthy and critical in many cases for women to realize, to acknowledge, and damn right… cheer themselves and each other on. So here goes.
As women we put so much pressure on ourselves and there are so many added layers and facets to that. For instance, if we are a mother. The pressure to be a ‘good mom’, to be the ‘do it all’ mom, to be the good example to our kids and not screw them up, and to make the best decisions with every decision of every second of every day. If we are a wife, the pressure to be sexy yet respectable, loving and sweet yet still have the vixen vibe. Add even another layer, being a woman in the workforce. Either we are a ‘bitch’ because we are too opinionated or headstrong or we are weak and emotional instead of the true labels that should be given, strong, articulate, and/or passionate. The pressure keeps piling on even with the daily societal pressures of being viewed as either too sexy or not enough, too skinny or too fat, too smart or too dumb, too muscular or too much cellulite.
As women we work to take care of our bodies (so others are pleased at what they look at). We take care of those around us (significant others, kids, family, friends, etc). We take care of the damn dishes even. We work to be successful to prove our ‘equal pay’, to reach our goals and to prove our value. We work to fit in and to stand out, all at the same time. We work on our minds, our growth, and in some cases our healing from shit that has happened to us. And we work to let our spirit and our soul be better one day to the next. Exhausted as we may be…we still do. We do because we are bad asses.
And today, right now…. I have had enough.
Life can be so absolutely amazing one day and so very difficult the next, yet what do we do as women…we keep showing up. We keep picking ourselves back up and keep reaching for our goals and yet we don’t give ourselves the credit we deserve and expect someone else to? Why was it so very impactful for me to hear my therapist tell me that I was strong? That I was in fact a bad ass? It shouldn’t have been if I actually allowed myself to realize all that I have gone through, all that I do…do, and give myself a little bit of credit for it. No need to gloat or boast, just a simple realization that I AM strong, I AM friggin’ tough mentally and physically, and I have proof. I have been to hell and back and I am still here still fighting to grow and be a better version of myself every day.
I no longer want to wait to hear someone tell me I’m a bad ass. You know why…because I’m going to finally allow myself to say it. Loud and proud. It is not to diminish anyone else but to simply remind myself just how strong I really am. I have suffered and bled. I have endured and I’m still here. I am a bad ass… and so are you.
My struggles, your struggles, my traumas, your traumas, my level of exhaustion, your level of exhaustion, my pressures, your pressures, my insecurities, your insecurities… no matter, we are all still here kicken’ ass and taken names and I think it’s time we allow ourselves to say it.
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