Do I have pity or is it actually shame? Shame for humanity and how little we have grown in uniting person to person, human being to human being. I don't want pity, but I will take it over hate any day.
I talked to my sister-in-law today. We talked about racism and how as a white woman that even though I was unaware, I would sometime come off as though I pitied the black race. That I pity people that are viewed as less than in societal view, that even though I certainly didn’t view as less than, society in most ways does. We talked about how some may take offense to that. I get it. I get it big time. Let’s be honest, pity takes away the respect of the individual. I hadn’t thought about it this way and I am so grateful for her being honest with me and me being open to hearing it.
The ‘please, don’t feel sorry for me” …all that does is feed into the ‘less than’ stance. Like all your pity means is that rather out loud or deep down you still think I am less than you. That the way God made me is somehow less than how he made you. Even writing that makes my stomach turn. I promise you, I have met so many beautiful black girls in my life and as a white woman, I have felt numerous times inferior to their beauty, their wit, and their strength. And as a white woman, one of the most privileged in the US outside of the white male, writing this, I am sure I am going to get it wrong. Why? Because I am a privileged white woman. I will never know what it is to be black.
After our conversation, I was ashamed that I didn't initially see it that way. Reality is though, that without that conversation, I would have never thought in my heart or mind that I was wrong for that. My heart does break when I think of how much sh*it someone of color goes through on a daily basis. Reality is though, that I am jealous half the time of most woman of color. Silky skin, style and swag, strength and restraint, joy and laughter, those are all traits that I see in most black women I know and love. Without that conversation, I would continue being ignorant. Without being defensive, I was able to listen. Without being open, I never would be able to make a change.
I don’t think pity is the answer by any measure, but I do think it can be a start. Through learning and education one can grow from pity, to friend. One has to awaken to the realities. What it is really like to live in another’s shoes. That’s the hard part though right. We are born through our eye’s only perspective, compassion is taught. So, if pity is the beginning to compassion at least it’s a start. It sucks to say that…’at least’ but racism and forms of racism have been in existence since the societal beginning and we are in no way where we need to be as a society. The 'your less than' oppressor has always been an issue. It’s really only been small strides generation to generation. And there have been some generations taking steps back rather than moving forward towards God’s goal. He says LOVE is the answer. Real love is hard to find, hard to keep and even harder to give to someone you don’t even know…but kindness, with a good heart, kindness should be the minimal.
Too often we find ourselves drowning in our own self-doubt, self-worries, and self-pity to allow love to come through, and even worse, a smidge of kindness.
As I contemplate this, I find I don't pity but I do feel shame. I grew up witnessing racism. I heard people I love sing songs changing the words and claiming it was all just a joke. But even as a child I knew that was wrong, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t laugh. I do remember saying that it was wrong and that they should stop though. (Pat on the back to my 5-year-old self for that one) I feel shame that I have had ignorant thoughts. Shit, I have even said ignorant things about my own race. If your white I am sure you have either used or at least heard it, white trash. Basically, indicating that anyone who lived in a trailer park was white trash. That is so ignorant and awful. I am ashamed of having ignorant and racist thoughts and I now have to look at my children knowing this in my heart. I feel shame for being ignorant to the “pity topic” and shame for allowing racist thoughts creep into my mind. I am thankful I have never allowed them to stay, but non the less. I feel shame to have loved many people in my life who are in fact racist even if they don't want to admit it. I still know so many that although they may not be in the 'hate' bracket, they say and do things subconsciously that is racist. That’s a huge problem isn't it... the subconscious. When our society doesn't actually stop and think, what am I really saying? Is it coming from a place of love, a place of fear, or somewhere in learned behavior? I feel shame because for really no reason other than my skin is somewhat translucent and I get red and rosy with too much sun…society has placed a ‘superiority complex’ on me. I feel shame for the awful thoughts and awful despicable things some of my race has done in the past and still continue to do. I have tremendous shame for my race when time after time and generation after generation we can’t get it together as a collective whole.
Yes, I do believe most people are good just like that amazing song by Luke Bryant. I’m not even a huge country fan but that song has such a great message. And I do believe that most people are good, but it still does not diminish the shame and honest to God fear for the evil that is still out there and unfortunately seemingly even more out in the open these days. I mean, really…walking into government buildings with assault rifles on hand and f*cking swastikas? What in the actual f*ck. How is that even legal these days. I mean, I was under the impression regardless of gun permits or conceal and carry, unless you were law enforcement you were not allowed to go into any Library, School, or Government building with a gun let alone an assault rifle.
I fear that if our current generation doesn’t fix this, what is the world that my children are going to be adults in? What world are we going to leave behind? One that looks to another person and says you don’t belong here? One where one HUMAN is seen as less than another HUMAN BEING????!!!! One where hate is disguised by propaganda, a fake smile, or in some cases even religious beliefs? I am a woman of faith and I know enough about the bible that the number one request from God is to love Him and love your neighbor, all neighbors. My promise is this, that I will remain committed to being better for the sake of my kids; I will continue to have these hard conversations so that I can learn and grow; and I will be open to criticism if it makes me kinder. And in the meantime,
I will pray for humanity. I pray for my family. And I pray for love to find its way to the forefront. But if that is a long way off, then although it pains me to say, I’ll take pity in hopes that it grows to shame and finds its way to love.
Comments