My father was such a critical person in my life. His role helped define and shape who I am and how I see myself. I could rightfully say, that the confidence I do have in myself and being true to who I am, came from him. He never neglected to praise me, encourage me and remind me that he loved me. It also helped that a big portion of my spunk came from our relationship as well. With him, I couldn’t do any wrong and rarely found myself in trouble, even when I know I should have been. I was given freedom to define my own sense of self and I didn’t feel like my voice was muffled. Although, I will say I was always the one in the family to never cower from my voice and what I thought was right or wrong especially if it meant I was standing up for someone else. I like the hero role I guess, and how it makes me feel good knowing I helped another. I think I also got that from him. My writing and articulation come from him and my constant persistence of goals as well. My dad’s just about in his 70’s and is still setting physical goals for himself. He helped shape who I am today as a woman, as a mom, and even as a friend. He always loved me, and I always felt loved. Now in my late 30’s I still feel that love and I am still daddy’s, all be it outspoken, little girl.
In knowing just how critical my father’s role to me was and still is, I look to my son and daughter and who they have helping to shape them.
My son, a black boy growing up in a predominantly white neighborhood, I worry for his well-being and how he will navigate where he fits within this community. How will he handle a situation when someone is either bullying him or someone else? Will he be the one to stand in and help another? Will he have the wisdom to know when to leave and how to react in a troubling situation?
As a boy growing into a man, he will face trials in balancing his strength and his anger. He will have to find who he is in this world and the man he hopes to be.
Will he be a man of honor? A man full of grace and kindness? Will he use his strength to protect and to show restraint? Will he laugh with a high-pitched squeal because his soul is eternally twelve and he loves to live and be silly? Will his mind work towards solutions, not cower away? Will he have talents beyond what any one person should have? If he is anything like his father, he will.
As my daughter navigates her younger years, she needs someone to show her the example of what it means to be truly loved and cared for. She needs someone to hold her tenderly, protect her in every way possible, and to get down to her level just because he wants to spend quality time with her, because he reminds her every day that she is worth it. As she grows into a young woman, she needs to see an example of marriage and love and set the standards for herself for what she isn’t willing to settle for because she has seen for herself how a man should treat a woman he loves. She knows every man she will ever meet will be measured to him.
A God fearing and loving man. A “Love Hard” and literally “Play Hard” kind of dad. A man full of wisdom in just about every imaginable way. A man who always puts the needs of him family first. And a man who sacrifices day in and day out for those he loves.
Even pregnant, he was the only one who could calm my aching belly when the baby was rumbling just by simply rubbing gently on my belly. Even then, they knew who their daddy was. They felt his love and his strength.
When I think of my son and the trials he will face and the man I hope he becomes, and my daughter and the confidence she will have in herself and the love she will allow to enter into her world; I simply say, Look up.
Your daddy is the man you should follow, the man you should aspire to become, and the example of true love.
I am blessed to have a husband who is hands on and provides for us. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me and cherishes me. But mostly, I am beyond blessed to have him as the father of my two kids. For there is only one other example I hope they follow, and for that they have to look to heaven.
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