Here I sit…. thinking only of when I will be pouring myself a glass of red and taking a much-needed deep breath. This week was a doozy! First week back to school and it is 100% E-Learning.
My emotions have gone from hero to zero and hit every possible emotion probably known to man in between. So, this glass of wine is so, so very needed.
The week started with some serious nostalgia thinking back to last year’s first day of school where my son was in his brand spanking new school clothes, sparkling white sneakers, back pack on filled with all his supplies, and big nervous smiles for the start of the first day of school. Poor guy was even starting a new district in a whole new state. But he was ready, he was prepared. We took a slew of pictures in front of the house, individual pictures, family pictures, different poses, you name it. We all walked him to school, Mommy, Daddy, and sister in tow. Hugs goodbye were given and the nervous mommy wave, as I watched my little man walk into a whole new chapter in his life.
This year, yeah… quite a bit different.
This year, my sons first day of school had some pictures taken but although he was in his new first day of school clothes, he had no shoes on because he wasn’t walking to school. He wasn’t even leaving the house. My office is the classroom, our dining table is the lunchroom and our backyard is the playground.
I was sad for him. Sad that this year would be like none other and he would be tested this year like no other. His level of patience, his resilience, his adaptability, and his level of focus would all need to become his strengths. Some he manages just fine with and they are his strengths, he is one resilient little guy. But he, like almost all humans, takes a bit of time to adapt to change, and especially change as drastic as this. Regardless, he nonetheless impressed me and continues to do so throughout this whole first week.
And it was rough, let me tell you. The technical aptitude from the teacher to the students was a work in progress this week as they all learned new technology, new school procedures, and the new school norm. Something as simple as kids waiting endlessly to ask to go to the bathroom since that is what they are used to instead of just quietly doing so since they are home causes delay and disruption in the class. Teaching kids to mute the background noise was a big one this week too and quite honestly, somewhat hilarious. On the first or second day, I don’t recall which one since this week has been what seems to be one giant blur, a mom begins the day with yelling at her kid to “get down here!!!!...Get your ‘bleep’ little butt down here!!” She repeated over and over screaming just a bit louder each time. Another mother chimed in saying “Um, you may want to put yourself on mute” as the teacher scrambled to mute the entire class. I couldn’t help myself from cracking up, I mean it was a glorious way to get the giggles out early in the morning.
Even though I laughed out loud numerous times this week, I also exhibited frustration, a tremendous lack of patience, and downright a bad attitude. I was frustrated with the lack of preparation, with the stall in technology, with the older laptop provided by the school rather than using my speedy MacBook. I even spoke out loud the frustrations with the teacher and her lack of technical aptitude and preparation. I mean…I was the apotome of a bad example. I did not show patience, I did not show respect for others and their learning timeframes, and I allowed my emotions to get the better half of me. I laughed only to save myself from my own negative emotions.
Yes, all of the above would frustrate anyone, but my little needed me to be his compass and to be his strength. And he certainly didn’t need me to be talking negatively about his teacher. I had to check myself, once I noticed how he started to react like me and while he started talking negatively just like me. Not a proud moment, I know.
I had to realize that I suck at change and that my expectations are that of a 38 year old who has worked in the technical industry for years and not of an 8 year old with a teacher in her late 50’s learning something completely different than what they both were once so familiar with. I had to realize that patience is a virtue, and one I do not currently have, but it doesn’t mean that it is not something I can strive for.
This job of mine, Mother, is so very important and after this week I know I have to put in some extra work. As they once went off to school every other year, I worried about the influences the other students would and could have on him. This year, I now realize that I am the one who will influence him, and I will be damned if it is not for the better.
I learned that my son can do hard things, just like I can do hard things, it may just take a bit more patience and a bit more giggle to get through it.
All in all, my son has risen to the challenge, it is really me, who needs to put in the extra work.
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